Sometimes you just wake up feeling different. You don’t know why. You don’t know when it happened. Someone just flipped a switch and there you are. Images are flooding your brain. Images from your dreams. Images from the day before. Images from months gone by. Images that shoot arrows through the walls of protection around you.
Your heart aches a little, you turn to tell the one you thought was there while you slept, only to find there hadn’t been anyone there at all. You sit still with it. You feel that presence that isn’t really there. You weep a little and lay back down. You pinch your eyes shut, reminding yourself that things are not so bad, it just feels that way right now.
You remind yourself of all of the things you love about your life and you tell yourself that timing is divine, it is everything and it is nothing. That souls still speak to souls, even when you figured out you weren’t listening.
It doesn’t change the fact that all of a sudden, your heart feels split wide open. You tell yourself it must still ache with the weight of waking up. You admit that you are filled with want. You remind yourself that want is valid and stronger than need and you are allowed that. You are allowed to want. You are allowed to desire. You are allowed to follow that and it doesn’t make you weak. Being vulnerable and open is not weak. It makes you strong. You are stronger when you want and when you fill yourself up. You are open. You are full. You are awake.